Tips For A Good And Healthy Relationship
We all want healthy relationships, but most of us have never really learned what that means. As a psychoanalyst with over a decade of experience working with couples, these are my top tips for a good, healthy Relationship. The key is outgoing and hands-on.
Do the Effect You Did The First Year You Were Together
As the month and years go by, we tend to put on our proverbial sweatpants and be lazy in our relationship. We lose patience, gentleness, consideration, understanding, and general efforts that we once made toward our partner.
Over time, we accept that our partner knows us so well that we don’t have to ask for what we want. What if we make that assumption? Expectations are set and emptied just as quickly. These unfulfilled expectations can lead us to question the viability of our partnership and connection. Remember to ask what you want covers everything from emotional desires to sexual desires.
Think about who your partner really is and what excites you both physically and emotionally. We can let ourselves consumed by what we think they want rather than tuning in to what resonates with them. Remember, if it’s important to your partner, it doesn’t have to make sense to you. You have to do it.
Ask Questions About How Was the Day
At the end of a long day, we are inclined to control our lives and, so, our relationship spiritually. We rely on the common question, “How was your day?” But because we hear this question so often, many of us will reflexively respond with the gist: “Good. How was yours
It can be short or long, but you start by wondering what worked and what didn’t work last week and what can be done to make things better in the week ahead. Also, take this opportunity to stay in tune with your schedules, plan a date night, and talk about what will happen in the days, weeks, and months of your relationship to come. Without an intentional appointment for a temperature test, resentments and unmet needs can arise.
What could change your relationship if you and your partner commit to improving behaviors that you both find sexy and limiting those that are not? Think of it in its broadest form. “Sexy” can indeed refer to bedroom preferences, but it also represents what excites us about our partner in our daily lives. Do you find them sexy when they help you with housework? Do you find it “unsexy” when you use the bathroom with the door wide open? Discuss what it means in specific terms to “stay sexy” in your relationship. Be amazed, have fun, and get inspired.
Get out of the dinner and movie routine and see how a little novelty can rejuvenate your relationship. With a limited budget and not very big? Go online and search for “cheap date ideas” and be amazed at the myriad of options. Can’t afford a babysitter? Try exchanging babysitting time with friends who have children. It is free, and they will probably be excited to bring your children with you as it is beneficial to leave them with you.
If you are not committed to an asexual partner, sex and physical contact (kissing, holding hands, hugging, etc.) are essential parts of a romantic relationship—the amount of sex a partner has naturally depended on the partner. Therefore, you must discuss your ideas to resolve any inconsistencies in your wishes. There are rarely times when both partners are “in the mood” the exact second, but in general, most persons tend to “get there” after the first few minutes, even if they are initially.
In most disagreements, it is from the “top-level” that we communicate apparent emotions such as anger, anger, and the like. Leading from this point can be confusing, defensive, and ultimately undermine the real problem. Start communication from the “lowest level.” These are the feelings that drive your reactions, such as disappointment, rejection, loneliness, or disrespect.
Simple in concept, challenging to use. Conversations quickly become arguments when we are interested in our partner admitting we were right or when we intend to change their mind. Instead of waiting for them to pull away, choose a conversation as an opportunity to understand your partner’s perspective. From this perspective, we have a motivating dialogue and avoid prolonged outbursts or frustrations.
It is clear that apologizing is a good thing, but it only has a natural effect if you are serious about it. It is a waste of period and breath to say things like “I’m sorry for making you feel this way,” “I’m sorry for seeing this,” or “I’m sorry if I bothered you.” Even if you don’t believe your action was wrong, you will never argue a feeling successfully. You are now officially receiving the Complete Guide to a Healthy Relationship.
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